Question 3…

“You see,” spake he, “my first was merely an experiment. A very badly considered experiment, and, as such, ended in disaster, as all poorly planned endeavors fail. In the mystical world of fairy tales, there are creatures fabulous and fantastical, terrifying and horrendous.

“My experiment began with one of the latter, of course. Because, as everyone knows, ’tis only the monstrous that evoke the changing mood on we mortals. Trolls being the most likely to change, albeit with mountains of work and a yoke most gentle.

“So it was that I set out to transform the heinous troll. I had it in mind to lead her to a sort of beautiful humanity. Gently, soothingly I molded and shaped her, holding her twisted claw, patting her misshapen back whenever she happened to stumble on her journey.

“In my quest, I’d abandoned nearly all my old desires, forsaken all my companions. All but her. Oh, some old chums turned up occasionally, but every last one soon turned away from me, lost as I was. I was deaf to their pleas, stunned they would ask me to leave her.

“Eventually, however, their earnest urgings found my overburdened mind. I began to realize the enormity of my self-imposed task. Change her? Transform a hideous troll into a thing of beauty and light? What madness, this?

“I did give up the quest, eventually. After spending nearly a decade on the fruitless task. My advice to anyone even thinking of undertaking the feat is this…DON’T!”

“Ahh,” sayeth she, gazing intently at question three of the dating questionnaire. “So yes, you have been married before.”

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