“Hey, Bob, how’s it going?” The tall, graying man said to his friend.
“Great, John! I’ve never been happier,” the slim blonde man replied.
John raised an eyebrow, astonished at the positive change that’s come over his formerly depressed friend.
“What’s made you so happy?”
“Oh, John,” said Bob, “I’ve found the greatest service, ever! It’s called Grateful Mate.”
John pulled out a chair across the cafe table from Bob. “Grateful Mate? Never heard of it. What is it?”
Bob smiled contentedly at John. “Well, John, it’s a service that matches men to their best possible mate.”
John looked dubious at that explanation. “Sounds fishy to me, Bob.”
“Oh, no, not at all. It’s all very scientifically done,” Bob said. “See, the service matches you to a woman who shares 75% of the same interests as you, who is in an attractiveness range, who has no other options, and who is entirely grateful for your attention! It’s perfect.”
“I don’t know, Bob, I’m not sure I like that idea. Why a range of attractiveness? Why only 75% shared interests? And what’s that about no other options?”
Bob smiled and explained, “Only 75% because that way you have something to talk about when you have to, and 25% is left so you can do important, man-stuff without her interference.”
John nodded and motioned for Bob to continue.
“There’s a range of attractiveness because, well, while you wouldn’t want an ungodly ugly face, no one wants that, you also wouldn’t want a super-hot mama, because then, what guarantee do you have that she wouldn’t eventually find someone better than you?”
“Oh,” John said, “I see! That makes sense. But I still don’t get the no-other-option thing.”
Bob grinned, “Sure, she’d have to have no other options, because otherwise she might leave if she decided you weren’t treating her right.”
“I forgot the best part, though,” Bob said. “The best part is, because of the no options part, all Grateful Mate matches are 100% open on your part!”
“Sounds amazing, Bob,” John exclaimed. “Sign me up!”