Rambling

So much to do, so little inspiration. No, not inspiration. Desire. No desire. To do the yard work, to cook dinner, to watch television, to go to work, to live.

How do I keep going? How do I manage to do what I have to? How do I care?

All these questions ran through his mind, day after long day. Every day he saw his colleagues happily chatting, laughing, living lives filled with joy. All while he barely managed to force himself out of bed every morning. If he didn’t have to work, he doubted he’d ever leave the comfort of his bed. He most definitely wouldn’t do anything productive.

Days blurred together. If not for the calendar on his smartphone, he’d be lost, never knowing what day it was. Ask him for the month and he could, probably, tell you the season. If the weather was cooperating, not going crazy with blizzards in spring and tornadoes in winter.

He had vacation time saved up, of course. Not enough desire or energy to put through a request to his boss. Besides that, what else was he going to do besides work? He hadn’t seen most of his old friends in ages. So long, in fact, he was starting to forget what any of them looked like. His family was busy with their own lives, never calling unless they needed something from him. Which wasn’t often, considering he had little to offer, besides sadness.

The mail icon on his computer was constantly lit up, trying to tell him he had messages. But his lack of desire kept him from looking. It was probably all spam and scams, anyway, he thought. No one ever cared to send him anything useful or fun.

No one in the world cares. Isolation is his only situation.

But, look past the man. See the colleagues who share their family’s joys and despair. See the family who tries to call the smartphone, only to get a disconnected message because the bill hasn’t been paid. See the friends who email, daily, to invite him to barbecues, to parties, to weekends away, or the friends who send funny pictures, stories, and ask questions that never get answered.

Look further, into the man, find the struggling inner self who cries for help, who fights, daily, against the beast. See how small yet how fierce? The child inside yearns to be pulled from the shadows.

The child knows he needs help, but doesn’t know how to get it. The child inside is blind, not seeing the many others, all around, who need him, need his help as he needs theirs.

Look inside, yourself, your friends. Find the ones who need help. Find the ones who can help. Joy is shared, freely, so why isn’t despair?

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